


Hate Me

by starofinsomnia (EverettV)



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Blood, Blood and Injury, Canon Universe, Cutting, Depression, Established Relationship, M/M, Sad Ending, Scars, Scratching, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-09 06:08:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13475313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverettV/pseuds/starofinsomnia
Summary: Prompto hates his barcode. He has to remove it, he has to do something. He deals with it the only way he knows how: alone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There is self harm in this story and if that triggers you i suggest you stay away from this one. Not beta read. If I missed any tags just let me know

Prompto had insisted on his own room at the hotel today. He knows it cost them extra, and it makes him feel a little bad, but he can’t bring himself to care so much. He has things he needs to do, he can pay them back later. He sits down on single bed, wondering if he’s going to be lonely tonight. It’s the first time in a long time he’s going to sleep alone. Prompto sighs heavily, then runs his hands through his hair, destroying the hairdo he usually wears. 

He walks to the bathroom and stares at himself, then slowly strips off his shirts. He drops them on the sink then pulls the knife from his hidden sheathe on his thigh. He’s not sure any of his friends know he has it, but he found it shortly after one of their hunts and he didn’t want to give it back. Prompto washes his arm with disinfectant, holding a potion close by just in case. 

His hands are shaking now. Fear is setting in. Will it hurt? Who cares. “I have to…” Prompto reassures himself with words, then sets the sharp steel against his wrist. He cuts downward, watching blood instantly pool up, then winces. “Ow ow,” He whispers, cutting further, harder. The barcode barely seems affected. He does it again, and again until he can barely see black ink imprinted onto his skin. His head is light. 

“Fuck… I think I messed up.” He slides to his knees, blood making a mess of his pants, the floor, the sink. Prompto’s eyes flutter open briefly, and he reaches for the potion but it’s well out of range. He fumbles, trying to get one from their shared storage instead but accidentally pulls out the wrong thing. His vision is blurred horribly, everything looked exactly the same to him. Moments later, he can hear knocking on the door. 

“Go away.” He calls out, voice trembling badly. Noctis’ voice is a little muffled returning. He isn’t sure what was said. He hears a few loud thuds before the jingle of keys reach his ears. Prompto feels his consciousness slipping before the door opens. 

Everything feels like cotton. His eyes are hard to open, but he eventually forces them open. The hotel room… No this is a different hotel room. Bigger. the wallpaper is blue instead of green. It feels like there’s someone else laying beside him, but even just moving his head is exhausting. He finally tips his head and sees Noctis, eyes wide open but exhausted. “Noct?” he croaks, words barely leaving his lips.

Noctis almost jumps, even at the whisper of a sound. He reaches out and gently, hesitantly, touches Prompto’s face. “You’re awake? You’re okay?” His voice is shaking, tears falling quickly off of his face. “Why did you do that? Why would you… Do you know what I would have done if I would have lost you?” Noctis hugs his pillow to his chest and sobs softly, scared to put his hands on Prompto and break him. 

Shuffling from another part in the room catches Prompto’s attention. He looks over and catches sight of Gladio. “Help me sit up.” Prompto’s voice is still barely leaving him, but he supposes that his request gets across. As soon as he’s in a sitting position, his head gets dizzy and his vision blurs. “Fuck…” 

“You took quite the injury. Unfortunately we were too late to administer a potion to fully heal you and you have lost a lot of blood and will definitely scar. But we will keep an eye on you. After today, we must keep moving, but we will make sure you eat plenty and heal properly. And we will even go to a doctor if need be, though we are certain at this point you will heal properly.” Ignis explains to him. Prompto desperately tries to look at him but he soon passes out again. 

The next time he wakes up, he feels better but he’s alone. He slowly pushes himself into a sitting position, hissing in pain when he puts pressure on his wrist, and finally looks down at the clean, white bandages. It floods back to him very suddenly, the blood, his near death. He whimpers softly, thinking about his friends seeing him like that… Prompto slowly stands up and searches himself, not finding his knife anywhere. 

“Fuck. This fucking sucks.” He slowly pulls the bandages away, wincing when he sees, somehow, that the barcode is undisturbed. “How the hell… How can it be this permanent?” He starts to sob quietly, clawing at the wounds and black lines. Blood pours down over his wrist again, and soaks his fingers. He screams when he’s stopped by a firm hand, wrestled back onto the bed to make him stop hurting himself. 

“Prompto please stop! Please!” Noctis begs quietly, looking down at his best friend…the man he’s in love with. His heart feels broken. “Prompto, please, just stop hurting yourself.” A potion is administered to his wrist once more, to heal the newest wounds. Noctis doesn’t let go until Prompto stops trying to tear himself open. He sits back, laying beside him and hugging him close. 

“I’m sorry that you’re a clone, but you will never be one of them, Prom. You will never be one of them. You’re one of us, you’re a Lucian, a Crown Citizen. And look, if its the mark you care about…” Noctis pulls his sleeve up, showing off his new barcode. “I have one too. Please stop tearing yourself apart.” He whimpers, tears wetting Prompto’s back. “I love you. I don’t want you to hurt, what can I do to help you?” 

“I don’t know, Noct. I don’t fucking know. Seeing it hurts so much, it just reminds me that I’m fake. I didn’t ask to be made!” He buries his face in the bloodstained pillow. “I just want to go away and stop causing you all this trouble.” 

“You’re one of us, Prompto. You don’t cause us trouble. Everyone has their moments, please don’t worry about that.” Noctis strokes his hair slowly, trying to comfort him. “I love you. I want you here. I will say this over and over until you remember it. I will do whatever I can to help you.” 

“You can’t do anything Noct! I’m trapped in my fucking mind, it’s overwhelming! You can’t fix me! No one can fix me!” Prompto is exhausted from crying and fighting. He falls unconscious once more shortly after. Noctis sighs quietly and kisses his cheek gently. He slowly strokes Prompto’s sweaty hair, hoping that when he wakes once more, they can talk about what happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompto hurts himself again so there's a self harm tw on this chapter as well

Breakfast the next morning is completely silent. Prompto doesn’t say a word, just continues to push his food around the plate. He had taken one of Noctis’ jackets to hide the bandage on his wrist, and to draw them all less attention. Gladio isn’t sure what to say, he’s always been awkward about delicate matters, so he’s leaving it to Ignis to choose in the end what to say. He’d say it better, he wouldn’t upset the situation as much. Or maybe Noctis should speak, Noctis knows Prompto the best. They’ve been friends forever.

Prompto shoves his plate away without eating a bite. He gets up and goes outside, clearly agitated. Noctis stares pleadingly at Ignis and Gladio, begging for one of them to tell him what to do, to help him out. Ignis sighs heavily, and runs his hand through his hair. “We just need to make sure he knows we’re here for him.” He whispers, looking at the other two. “He’s scared, and if we ask he’ll feel cornered and he’ll run. We have to let him come to us, or we won’t be getting anything from him.” Ignis sighs softly. 

Gladio looks out the window at Prompto. “God, what the fuck is he thinking.” He mumbles, not sure what to think about Prompto sometimes. Noctis stares at his boyfriend through the glass, standing up slowly to head outside. 

Prompto is hugging himself tightly. He stalks further away, not wanting to be in sight. He wants to be left alone. He wants them to stop staring at him like a deranged animal. Prompto drags a hand through his dirty hair, messing it up. He collapses to his knees by a rock when he finally decides he’s a safe distance away, and curls up, hiding his face in the arms of his jacket. He pulls his camera from storage and starts flipping through pictures.

Prompto sighs softly, then sets his camera on the grass. He grabs the rock and starts to smash it, feeling better when the shards of glass and plastic spread about. He frowns, pulling his back up camera and memory card out before smashing them as well. Prompto pulls off Noctis’ jacket and raises the rock, bringing it down hard on his wrist. He yelps softly, dropping it. “Fuck…” He mutters. The bandage has blood all over it again. He grabs the rock again, raising it above his head and bringing it down once more, hard. 

“Prompto!” His wrist is caught the third time. He looks up at Noctis, watching him take the rock. “Prompto please, please just stop. I don’t want to have to leave you with someone while we finish the journey, but I will if it means you’ll be able to relax and not think so much.” He kneels beside him, pulling Prompto into his arms. He gently arranges the jacket around Prompt’s shoulders, wanting to keep him warm. “Please. You have to promise. No more of this.” He feels Prompto shift further into his arms and sighs in relief. 

“Please… Promise me you’ll stop. We’ll figure out whatever it is we need to do to get this to change, we’ll do whatever it is, but you have to communicate with me.” He whispers. Noctis uses a potion to heal what Prompto had just done. He looks over at the mess that was once cameras and stiffens. “What did you do?” He asks gently, cupping the back of Prompto’s head. “I loved your photos…” He looks down at his boyfriend. 

“I didn’t want them.” Prompto whispers. “I don’t want to take photographs ever again. I don’t… I don’t deserve to be happy Noctis! I was put on this earth to kill you, to kill Iggy, Gladio! I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve you!” he pushes Noctis away, then curls up by the tree. “I want you to leave me here! Take your jacket, and leave!” He shouts. Noctis looks taken aback, grabbing his sweater. 

“Fine then! If you don’t want us around anymore, then we’ll leave. So much for ‘ever at your side’.” His voice is almost mocking as he stands up and runs away. Tears blind Noctis momentarily. Prompto sobs hard when he realizes that he pushed away the last person who loved him. He stands up quickly and dashes away in the opposite direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait i fucked up this was supposed to be happy. I have noticed that Noctis tends to snap at the others when he's overwhelmed


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for suicidal thoughts and actions

Prompto crosses his arms over his chest as he walks through the landscape. He shivers softly as the sun starts to go down, regretting throwing Noctis’ jacket back at him. Even with his vest, his arms are still covered with goosebumps. “Fuck…” He whispers to himself, finding a few low bushes to hide under. He shivers in the dirt all night. The morning light is blinding as it shines through the leaves of the bush he hid in. 

Prompto is exhausted. He stands up and starts moving again, wanting to get to Galdin, or just the shore. It would be easiest to just jump from the cliffs there, he decides. Fastest. Then he wouldn’t have to worry about his friends finding him. Then he’d finally stop being a burden on them. It takes a few days, but he doesn’t think he’s ever been happier to see the water’s edge. When he sees the dock, his heart instantly aches for Noctis. 

“What have I done?” He feels tears well into his eyes. “Nevermind that. It won’t matter soon.” Prompto starts the walk to the top of the cliff, groaning as his tired muscles collapse underneath him halfway up. “C’mon stupid, it’s not that hard.” He pushes himself up and continues the trek, huffing with effort. Prompto sits with his legs hanging over the edge and just relaxes, laying back. His vision fades, and he finally falls asleep. 

When his eyes finally open again, the sun has come up and he feels warm. Prompto smiles slightly as he sits up and looks over the view. “Wow…” He whispers. “What a way to go out, huh?” He runs a hand through his hair, then pushes himself to his feet. Prompto sighs softly and stands at the edge. “If… If I have nothing to live for, then why the hell is this so hard?” He asks quietly, tears welling into his eyes. “I have nothing left! Just let go!” He screams, hands clenched into tight fists. 

“Let me go! Just go!” He falls backwards and curls up in the grass. “I can’t do it… There’s something that’s still holding me back…” He whimpers, about to just cry into his arms. He hears some awkward shuffling nearby and looks up, flinching when he sees Noctis standing there, alone. Prompto feels trapped now, between the edge of the cliff and the love of his life. “What are you doing?” He whispers, scooting away slightly. 

Noctis doesn’t say anything, just lays down a jacket and a package before walking away. The moment that he’s out of sight, Prompto surges forward for the jacket, wrapping himself in it. It smells like Noctis, something Prompto missed dearly in the days they were seperated. The wrapped package falls beside him, catching his attention. When he opens it, he finds a brand new camera. 

Prompto heaves a deep sigh then pulls himself to his feet. He trudges in the direction Noctis went, speeding up when he sees his back. “Noct.” He whispers shakily, slamming into him from behind with what little strength he has left. They topple, as Noctis wasn’t expecting Prompto to follow him, let alone jump onto him, but Noctis quickly turns around in his arms and hugs him close, kissing his forehead softly. He holds Prompto close as he cries in his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” Prompto whimpers against Noctis’ neck, repeating the phrase over and over until Noctis hushes him, then he just quiet. Noctis strokes his hair slowly and rocks him gently, just happy to have Prompto alive in his arms once more. 

“Will you stay with me now?” 

“Ever at your side, Noct.” He whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking probably one more chapter. Prompto is not magically better, he still has all his issues but he shoved them to the back burner momentarily. they will show up again in the next chapter. He has to make the decision to get better.


	4. Chapter 4

That night, as he lay squished in the tent between Gladio and Noctis, Prompto can’t remember why he had left. It’s warm, and nice, to be between his friends. He closes his eyes and manages to fall asleep rather quickly, face pressed against Noctis’ chest for comfort. When he wakes next, he feels pain in his arms, neck, and face, and sees the rest of the group looking rather tired and concerned. “What?” He whispers, self conscious when they are looking at him like that. 

“You had a nightmare and started screaming and tearing your skin open.” Noctis whispers. Prompto looks down at himself and sees multiple shallow scratches down his arms, and assumes that they must be on his face and neck as well. “That’s okay. We’ll just clip your nails, or you’ll wear gloves to bed. It’ll be fine.” He is trying to be reassuring, though it’s not working so well. 

“I guess so. I’m sorry I woke you guys,” Prompto whispers, summoning his winter gloves. He knows he can’t scratch himself with them on. He slides his hands in and curls up in a ball in his sleeping bag once more, eyes sealed shut. Noctis sighs gently and lays beside him, pressing close. He hates that he can’t do anything to help Prompto. It’s breaking his heart. 

The next morning is better. Prompto didn’t have anymore nightmares, and the scratches had pretty much faded. He had gotten up with Gladio and gone on a run, both silent as they jogged through the cold air. When they returned, Ignis had started cooking breakfast but Noctis still hadn’t woken up yet. Prompto sits down in a chair and watches Ignis, eyes blank. It’s unnerving to see such a face on the usually so cheerful blond, but neither man says a word to him. 

Prompto finally looks up when Noctis comes out. He sits upright and watches Noctis’ movements. “Have you used your new camera yet?” The Prince asks hopefully, eyes locked onto Prompto’s. Prompto shakes his head, summoning it and holding it between his hands for a moment, before just putting it back into storage. He isn’t interested in taking pictures anymore. He’s not sure when that happened, but he hasn’t been for a while now. 

 

Noctis deflates slightly when he watches that action, but he doesn’t say anything. He sits down beside Prompto, but on the ground, and leans on his legs. He uses Prompto’s thigh as a pillow, looking up at him with loving eyes. “It’s okay. Take your time.” He whispers. He holds Prompto’s hand softly. “Please eat something… Iggy is gonna make a nice breakfast.” He whispers, drawing circles on Prompto’s hand gently. 

Prompto nods slowly, as if he’s actually listening. He touches his hair softly. “I need to bathe.” He whispers suddenly, standing up. He pauses, waivers in place, then sits back down again, seeming a little lost. “I want to take a shower. How close are we to a place I can shower?” He asks quietly. Noctis shrugs a little, standing up and getting them each a plate of eggs and toast. 

Prompto eats slowly, trying to make sure it won’t come back up. “If we’re not, I’ll bathe in the ocean. Oh, maybe the caravan?” He’s rambling now, but he’s suddenly hyper aware of how filthy he is. Noctis’ eyebrows come together. 

“Yeah, I need a shower too. Maybe… We could shower together?” Noctis asks tentatively. 

“Oh, yeah. Sure, that would be nice.” He whispers. “You could stop me from hurting myself.” 

“I wasn’t thinking that, but yeah, I could.” Noctis runs a hand through his hair. “I thought we could relax for a little bit. With the hot water and all.” His face is red from embarrassment. He isn’t sure how to say what he wants to. “It’s not about sex, not if you don’t want it to be. That’s not what I mean.” He tries to make a save, flustered. 

Prompto blushes hard, then laughs. He clutches his sides and has a real laugh for the first time in years. Or at least that’s what it feels like. He leans back in the chair and laughs, and once the laughs fade, they turn into amused giggles. Noctis stares at him, awestruck, then smiles gently. 

He knows that eventually, everything is going to be okay. It’s just going to take some time. But eventually, he knows everything is going to be okay.


End file.
